4 Attributes of Healthy Group Leaders

Group health is directly related to leader health. The health of a groups ministry rises or falls based on the health of the leadership. That includes staff and pastoral leaders, but even more important is the health of the group leaders.

However, many group leaders don’t have a good sense of whether or not they’re healthy, and that’s largely the fault of pastors and leaders to equip them. How do you know if a group leader is healthy or not? If you’re a group leader, how do you know if you’re hitting the mark?

Here are 4 attributes of healthy group leaders.

1. Healthy group leaders have been transformed

The first and most important attribute of a healthy group leader is that they have been transformed. It’s really hard to lead someone where you haven’t been yourself. If we’re going to lead other people to transformation then we need to be people that have been transformed.

We need to be people that are marked by transformation. Being marked by transformation simply means that your life looks a lot different now than before you knew Jesus.

The Bible tells us that when we come to Jesus as our Lord and Savior, then He puts the Holy Spirit inside of us. Don’t gloss over that detail. If you are a Christ-follower then you have the Spirit of the Living God inside of you. You have the same power that raised Christ from the dead (Rom. 8:11).

The book of Ezekiel looks forward to the time where God was going to put His Spirit in His people. It talks about the transformation being like heart surgery where God removes a heart of stone from our body and replaces it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26-27).

Ask yourself: Does that sound like me? Am I living with the knowledge and power that the Spirit of the Living God is inside of me, or do I need to focus on being transformed into the image of Jesus these next few months? Does my life look markedly different now than before I knew Jesus?

People that are transformed have lives that look different than the lives of those around them, which leads us to our next attribute.

2. Healthy group leaders are actively following Jesus

Imagine you asked your teenager to go and clean their room. Let’s say they come back in half an hour and you say, “Well, did you clean it?”

They say, “Um, no. But I memorized exactly how you said to clean it. Then, I read it in a few different translations. I even went to a midweek study just to make sure I understand exactly how you wanted me to clean it.”

Did they listen to you?

Far too often we treat following Jesus like a teenager cleaning their room. Many of us have been transformed by Jesus in the past, but we’re not being transformed by him in the present. It’s easy to make empty promises to Jesus, or to read the Bible as if it’s just another book of helpful tips instead of commands to be obeyed.

If we’re not actively following Jesus today, then not only are we not being obedient to what He’s told us to do, but our lives will undercut all our invitations to church and our best intentions to share our faith with our friends and neighbors. And if our lives give no evidence that our faith actually changes anything then why would anyone want what we have?

This becomes even more stark when thinking about leading other people to follow Jesus. You can’t lead a group of people into following Jesus if you aren’t following Him yourself.

Healthy group leaders are characterized by regular obedience to the commands of Jesus. Their lives give evidence of the faith they claim. Their invitations to church don’t ring hollow because their lives resemble something different. Their encouragement to follow Jesus more closely doesn’t come through like an empty product endorsement because it’s rooted in a life that’s marked by love, peace, gentleness, self-control, and on and on.

Ask yourself: Am I actively following Jesus?

If we’re really following Jesus, one of the things we’ll be doing is cultivating community centered around him, which is our next attribute.

3. Healthy group leaders cultivate Christ-centered community

Healthy group leaders cultivate Christ-centered community. It’s just who they are. It flows out of their love for Jesus and His church.

That doesn’t mean it always comes naturally or it’s easy. But it’s something healthy group leaders are committed to, and something they’re always working towards.

Jesus first calls us to Himself, then He calls into relationship with others He’s called to Himself.

Healthy group leaders get that. They also get that we are a church that has been given one Great Commission and two Great Commandments. That we are to go across the street and around the world making disciples that follow Jesus (Great Commission), and we are to be a community of people that loves God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and loves our neighbors as ourselves (Great Commandments).

Jesus is at the center of all of that activity, so healthy group leaders put him at the center of their groups.

Practically, this means your time as a group is focused on and centered around Jesus. It means your gatherings are filled with the  life-giving joy of being one of His sons or daughters. It means you do studies and have discussions based around the truths found in the Bible.

Healthy group leaders know that it’s only those groups which have Jesus at the center will lead people to follow Him more closely.

Ask yourself: So what’s the center of my group? Is it me? Is it our social time? Is it having to get through a certain amount of material? Or is it Jesus Himself?

4. Healthy group leaders are friends with spiritual explorers

The next marker of a healthy group leader has to do with their relationships outside the church, specifically with those who are explorers or non-Christians.

Healthy group leaders are first and foremost followers of Christ. If you are following Christ’s commands then you will be someone that builds relationships with those far from God in order to tell them about Him.

Jesus gave us the Great Commission to go and make disciples, and he gave us the Holy Spirit to help us do it. That means every Christian is both commanded and empowered to share their faith in Jesus. It can be difficult and awkward, but it’s just something we have to find a way to do.

As a group leader, this is something you have the chance to model to the rest of your group who may struggle in this area. Whether you like it or not, your group members look to you as an example of what to do and not to do.

Ask yourself: When my group members look at my life, do they see someone whose faith is pervasive throughout their life, or is it something I keep to myself? 

A Simple Template for Family Worship with Preschoolers

Family worship should be a basic discipline of a believing family. Tragically, it’s infrequently taught and modeled in American churches today. The reasons are varied, ranging from not knowing how to not having time, or simply not seeing the importance of it.

Nik Ripken notes this deficiency in The Insanity of Obedience, saying,

“We have discovered that many families do not know how to do this and, in some cases, they are simply not willing to try. Some families resort to playing a DVD, or watching worship through the Internet, of a worship service from a sending church, and they presume that the playing of that electronic tool has been ‘worship’ for them. This substitute for worship, however, is severely lacking. When there is no opportunity to gather with a group for worship, it is essential for the family to worship on its own. We have been surprised how difficult this is for most families.”

At the most basic societal level, God instituted the family. It is the building block of all human civilization, and it is the model for how God’s family, the Church, is to function. At the same time, man is meant to worship, and, in fact, he can’t help it. Why, then, do we neglect worshiping God in this most basic sense, and even outsource the activity to others?

The need for family worship

Perhaps in America it’s because we have such freedom of worship and gathering that it seems less effective to perform daily worship in the confines of our homes when we could have the professionals at the church facilitate it for us. That’s not to say we shouldn’t worship in churches or that we should all call our families house-churches. Of course we should worship corporately as churches. But we should also be able to worship in our homes and among our friends, or as the New Testament refers to it, “from house to house.”

As a husband and father, I realized after my third child was born and my older two were approaching preschool age that this practice would be essential to the spiritual formation of my children and wife. I began to see that without a plan, practice, or rule for worship we simply wouldn’t make time for it. But I had no idea what it should look like.

So one day I asked a friend that did something similar, looked up a few things online, remembered a quote from a book, then wrote out a short outline of what I thought it might look like to lead our family through worship after dinner. My wife helped me think through what’s most appropriate for our children’s age levels since she’s a trained educator and spends more time around them.

I knew intellectually that building family worship into our lives would be valuable, but I grossly underestimated the impact it would have on our family and others. In the short time since we instituted an almost daily worship time we’ve seen God work in numerous ways, such as:

  • Our children memorizing large passages of Scripture (2-4 year old’s can memorize much more than you think, and so can you)
  • Allowing us to worship with friends, family, and neighbors (if you’re at our house at 7:00 p.m., you join us for family worship time; we’ve had grandparents, neighbor’s kids, our house guests, and others join us on different occasions)
  • Creating space for theological conversations…with preschoolers (which some of you know is actually very deep and rewarding)
  • Cultivating a rhythm that’s focused on God (too much of our lives revolves around what we want to do; stopping to give worship and honor to God most nights centers and grounds my family in what it means to follow Jesus)

After working with my wife and refining our family worship time, here’s a simple template of what you can do for family worship with preschoolers.

(Please note: this is meant to be descriptive of our family worship time with our preschool age children. It is not prescriptive in any way, but hopefully will give you a window into what this looks like if you’re not familiar with it. We’ve had children as old a ten go through this and they’ve enjoyed it, though it’s meant for children up to age 6-7.)

A simple template for family worship with preschoolers

1. Open in prayer

We usually start family worship time right at 7:00 p.m. because families thrive on routine and this seems to be the best time for our family since it’s after dinner and right before baths and bed. We gather the family and whoever else is there into a living room where my wife and I sit in a rocking chair (we alternate for different parts of the worship time) and the children sit on the floor in front of us.

I sit down in the rocking chair first, and I open us with a simple prayer that usually goes something like this: “Father, thank you for this time of worship where we get to focus our hearts and minds and attention on you, which is what worship is all about. We pray that we bring you honor and glory through this time, and pray that you help us to have self-control throughout it.” (These are still preschooolers after all, so self-control is usually needed in gracious quantities!)

2. Recite memory verses and catechism questions and answers

After we open in prayer, mom usually takes over and leads the kids through their memory verses and catechism question and answer. This works for our family because my children are currently homeschooled and they work on these verses earlier in the day with their mother (that, and I can’t ever get all the hand motions down).

We always have two memory verses and one question and answer going. Since each child has a memory verse assigned for the month in their children’s ministry classes, we do that one (currently they’re the same verses since my children are two years apart and the youngest in under 1). This one is shorter, most often just one verse or part of one verse.

We supplement this with a longer passage that’s foundational, such as Isaiah 9 when we get close to Christmas, or the 10 Commandments, or being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry from James 1. My wife did a fantastic job picking these then formatting them for us to use throughout the year. You can download them here if you’re interested.

Once my wife leads us through these verses, we then do one question and answer from the New City Catechism. It’s a modern compilation of older catechisms, but it’s particularly helpful to use with children because each question and answer is accompanied with a shorter version for little learners. Mom simply asks the question, then has the children repeat the answer.

3. Read a Bible story

Now it’s back to dad and I take my place in the rocking chair to read through a Bible story. Last year we read through a Beginner’s Bible that was mine when I was a child. This year we’ve been going through The Jesus Storybook Bible, which is amazing. The stories are a little on the long side for preschoolers, but if you read it with enough energy and excitement (and shouldn’t we?) then it’s relatively easy to keep them engaged. We read one story per night.

After I read through it, we go back and check for understanding and comprehension. We’ll ask simple questions like, “Who was this story about? And what did he/she/they do? What do you think that tells us about God?”

Then we’ll let them ask questions, which is always the interesting part. The day I’m writing this, for instance, we had four extra children joining us, three of which are older than my children. When reciting the 10 Commandments as the catechism answer, one of the young girls was keen to know what adultery was. “Let’s ask your mom and dad about that one when you get home. But be sure to tell them you heard that when we were going through the ten commandments!” Another child wanted to know what God created the world out of (we were reading through Genesis 1-2). And another wanted to know why God created the world when He did and not at some other time. Those are good questions! Had we not been in that time of worship they never would have come up.

4. Sing some songs

At this point, we’re usually no more than 10 minutes into the worship time, but if you know preschoolers then you know their attention is starting to run thin. So we stop and sing some songs to Jesus. We keep a basket full of instruments in the room (tiny guitars, xylophone, tambourines, etc.) and allow the kids to choose one to “play” as we sing along. If there are more than about five kids present (or if our children are struggling with self-control that day) we’ll sing without instruments.

So far we’ve introduced a mix of preschool church songs such as “Father Abraham” and “The B-I-B-L-E,” and more classic refrains like “Our God is an Awesome God” and “Joy to the World” (leading up to Christmas). This is one area where we have some learning to do. We like to keep it fun, but also to choose songs which inform the kids theologically.

5. Record what you’re thankful for

After we make a joyful noise to the Lord (and I mean that literally), we all sit back down and I lead the family through a time where we simply remember something we’re thankful for from that day, and I write down the answers on a note card. We’re trying to build thankfulness into the culture of our family, and also to show the children all the ways in which God blesses our family. We call these our “thankful’s.”

Examples of what the kids say are too personal to share, but suffice it to say this is where you’ll hear some of the most sweet, joyous, precious, and moving things to come out your children’s lips. The profundity of children’s prayers can at times be overwhelming, and I’m constantly challenged by their vulnerability and trust.

6. Close in prayer

After we record our thankful’s, we all pray to close. Usually my wife starts, my oldest two will take turns, and then I’ll close us. The idea is that they’re specifically thanking God for their thankful’s, and anything else they want to pray about. When I close, I’ll usually reiterate what we’re thankful for, thank God for the time of worship and tell Him that we hope we brought Him honor and glory through our worship, and then add anything that might be pertinent that day (this can be anything ranging from a sick family member to help with a specific family expectation the children struggled to meet).

7. Store the “thankful’s”

This part is really cool. After we close in prayer, we rotate letting one of the children put the “thankful’s” in the “thankful bin,” which is just a bucket from IKEA. Each night we do family worship time, we drop the thankful’s in that bin so we look back on them one day. I imagine looking through them as a weepy mess when my kids go off to college or get married. But what a precious time capsule of the way God blesses us over the years! Some days the kids are thankful for cheese, but other days for their new friends or spending time with mommy. As I reflect on what’s written on some of those cards, I’m realizing that they’re one of the few priceless possessions we have.

And that’s it. That took longer to explain than it does to do it. The whole process usually takes us about 15 minutes. It can be hard to get past the inertia at first, but once you do your kids will be reminding you when you forget it.

We were made to worship. And we will do it in our churches as long as we can, but we should also be doing it in our homes as often as we can.

Caring for the Poor in an Affluent Area

Brad Watson asked a really good question on Twitter:

I saw it right before bed and it has been messing with me ever since. It’s something I wrestle with because I live and serve in an affluent area. How do you care for the poor and welcome them into your community if you live in an affluent area?

Well, I’m not sure I have the answers, but here are my thoughts from the last several years as I’ve processed this.

Own your affluence

So many of us don’t think of ourselves as affluent. None of the worldwide statistics support this though. I know not everyone reading this is making end’s meet, and I get that. I really do. I coordinate pastoral care and benevolence, so I know people are struggling. I serve in an affluent area, but that doesn’t mean everyone is affluent. But for those of us who have a roof over our head, food in the fridge, and air conditioning keeping us comfortable, we need to own our affluence.

Use your affluence from God to bless people in the name of God

Owning our affluence and accepting that reality should lead us to ask why we have resources. Why, out of all the poor places in the world right now, did God choose to have you be born in your country and live in your town or city? It’s not a mystery. When God blessed Israel, He had other nations in mind that He wanted to bless through them. Yes, it was about Israel enjoying the blessings too, but God was primarily interested in spreading His glory throughout the nations by blessing the world through Israel. The Great Commission makes this clear. Whatever affluence we have, we should be using it to bless the poor in the name of God.

Spend time among the poor

More practically speaking, we have to spend time among the poor if we want to care for them and invite them into our communities. The biggest hurdle to caring for the poor in affluent areas is that you are so isolated from them. Yet, even in a wealthy town like mine, there is always an organization, church, or non-profit that is serving the poor and working poor. Seek them out. Give them time and resources. Join in their cause. As long as what they’re doing isn’t hostile to the name and mission of Christ, why not join them? We can’t minister to people we don’t understand. We must be serving the poor where they are.

Open your home

Here’s something that would make a big splash in an affluent neighborhood: inviting a poor person or family to move into your home. And why don’t more of us consider this? Jesus’ teaching is laden with instructions to care for the poor, minister to the down and out, and to be hospitable to the stranger. Particularly in suburban affluence, many people have homes with extra bedrooms, bonus rooms, and basements, so why not use those homes for ministry? Using homes for ministry has been a part of the Church since the very beginning. Just because we live in an individualistic age doesn’t mean we should be exempt from that history. Thankfully, we’re living in a time where this ministry form is having a bit of a renaissance (at least in theory).

Move to the “poor part of town”

Here’s another counter-cultural idea that would raise eyebrows in your affluent area: sell your house and move closer to what is condescendingly called the “poor part of town.” Every town and city has at least one area like this. But in our affluence we actively avoid living close to such areas, citing crime, poor schools, and sagging real estate prices. These sound reasonable enough until you ask yourself if those would sound like good reasons to Jesus. What kind of witness to the name of Jesus would it be if more believers sold their homes, moved closer to poverty, and used their affluence to enrich the lives of those around them? A pretty compelling one if you ask me. And it sounds dangerously close to the early Christianity we all claim to long for.

Cultivate church gatherings that welcome the poor

Ask yourself: If I were to bring a poor person to church with me today, what would their experience be like? Would they stand out? Would they be welcomed? Would people talk to them? Would the service make sense to them?

These might be tough questions, depending on your answers, but we have to ask them. If we’re surrounded by affluence, over time we’ll only be able to relate to affluence and everything we do will assume people come from affluence. But the Church should be marked by a counter-cultural blending of people. A people that no longer think in societal hierarchies or act according to cultural norms. The day of Pentecost brought together people from countries and people groups that actively hated each other, yet the world was turned upside down by the way they loved one another. Could our churches facilitate this same counter-culture today?

Host community meals

I got this idea from Ecclesia Houston. They do something called a “simple feast” where they gather to share a pot-luck style meal with their homeless brothers and sisters. No money required, you just show up. Oh, and they do it every week. I love this. Churches in wealthy areas often have facilities that are well-equipped to do this sort of thing. Why not use them to serve the poor and integrate them into the community? The hardest part would be getting the word out to those who would benefit from it, but surely that’s something that could be addressed through networking with other organizations in your area.

What else?

What ideas do you have? Let me know on Twitter.

Why Groups Should be Meeting as Missionaries

What if the word missionary didn’t just mean people that leave everything behind to share the gospel with people in Africa, India, or somewhere else around the world? What if it also meant that you died to yourself and shared the gospel with people right where you are? What if we lived as missionaries in our neighborhoods, communities, and workplaces?

According to the New Testament, that’s exactly what we should be doing already.

Authors Colin Marshall and Tony Payne point out that many of us put the emphasis on the wrong words in the Great Commission. They say the command (or the main verb) of the Commission is not “go,” but “make disciples”:

And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:17-20 ESV)

Getting the command right makes a very important difference, as Marshall and Payne write in The Trellis and the Vine, because the misunderstanding,

“…can lead local churches to think that they are obeying the Great Commission if they send money (and missionaries) overseas. But the emphasis of the sentence is not on ‘going’. In fact, the participle is probably better translated ‘when you go’ or ‘as you go’. The commission is not fundamentally about mission out there somewhere else in another country. It’s a commission that makes disciple-making the normal agenda and priority of every church and every Christian disciple.”

They aren’t the first ones to suggest that “go” is better translated as “as you go.” The Christian Worldview Journal has written on the topic. And this is a more technical explanation of the Greek if you’re interested.

The command of the Great Commission, then, is to make disciples, and the context is everyday life (“as you go”).

As you go

As you go about your life, make disciples. As you go to work, make disciples. As you go to the park, make disciples.

The question isn’t what has God called us to do, but where has He called us to do it. He’s called all of His followers to make disciples as they go throughout their life. The question for you and your group is where does God want you to do that right where you are?

For followers of Jesus, this is the most important question to ask ourselves. Because if we aren’t making disciples, then we aren’t obeying His commands.

Charles Spurgeon’s famous statement on this rings truer than ever in this context:

“Every Christian is either a missionary or an imposter.”

Every Christian is called to live as a missionary wherever they are. Which brings us to your group.

Meeting as missionaries with your group

Part of the normal rhythm of any community group should be to meet as missionaries in its community. That means each group should be spending strategic time at specific places in their community with the goal of sharing the gospel and making disciples.

For example, let’s say you’re in a group of young families. you probably go to the park with your kids at least a couple times a month. What if you started going to the same park at the same time with the goal of forming relationships with other families in your community?

My family has started doing this over the last year and we’ve seen a noticeable change in how we relate to our community and the people around us. We go to the same two parks usually, and while we’re there we try and talk to the other moms and dads there. Sure, some people don’t want to talk to you. But others are almost desperate for a connection and they’re tired of parenting on their own all week. We just talk to those people and get to know them. Since we started doing that, we’ve already had two other families reach out to us to get together for play dates. Our hope is that those connections turn into opportunities to share Jesus with them, and we’re ready to help them follow Jesus if that’s where it goes.

Think through what your group normally does and see if there are more strategic ways to do it. Or think about different ways to spend your time in order to live on mission. Here are 25 ways to do that (and here are 25 more).

Meeting as missionaries doesn’t mean you go someplace and just start street preaching. It means you go into a place and become part of the fabric of the community so that you can build relationships with people and show them the love of Christ in tangible ways, and then invite them into that love.

Finding the time

Meeting with your group like this is something you can do at least once a month, but doing so every other week is probably ideal because it keeps mission at the front of everyone’s mind.

Most people start groaning at the “level” of commitment at this point, but that’s because they misunderstand what it looks like to find time to live in community. They also misunderstand the importance of it. As we saw above, making disciples isn’t something that’s optional for followers of Christ. It’s the last thing the resurrected Jesus told us to do before going to heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father.

As always, the point is not to make things into a checklist, but to intentionally work mission into your life to make disciples and be obedient to Jesus’ call on your life. Remember, the question isn’t if we should make disciples, but where we should make them.